【Bawdy Tales of Edo: Octopus & Sea Shell】

It's commencement season,Bawdy Tales of Edo: Octopus & Sea Shell and Donald Trump is gearing up to take the stage this weekend to address graduating students from Liberty University and the Coast Guard Academy. Trump aides have stayed very quiet on what the president plans to say this weekend, but as luck may have it, we just so happened to come across a copy of the speech he plans to give, and it is EPIC.

Take a look below at this real and not at all faketranscript.

To the class of 2017: the students, the faculty, parents, to you all, and in this great state, a wonderful state, where I won big, I won so big, truly -- and today you all graduate and you enter the workforce and -- we love to work, don’t we folks?

We love jobs, and I’m going to bring so many jobs, it'll be tremendous -- Hillary, Crooked Hillary who I beat so badly -- you're not going to believe the jobs— and the media of course, it’s -- look, I’m president now, can you believe it? Folks, unbelievable, I’m president, and -- I call them the fake media the fake news media -- We have begun to drain the swamp, folks -- we’re doing tremendous things, believe me, it’s terrific, we need to bring jobs back to this country -- and graduating from college is such a great achievement, it’s beautiful, isn’t it? I love college grads, you all -- the class of 2017. And it has been a year, hasn't it? It really has, I won the electoral college, big time.

Everyone gathered here today: students, faculty, parents -- we love the parents, don’t we, folks? Parents. My children, I'm very proud of them. The media, the lying media says I'm not but I am. I gave them my company, of course, and they say "oh but you still run it." Fake news, it's lies, they’re lying, we inherited a mess. There's a mess here. It's a mess. But I'm going to fix it.

Your generation is critical, very critical, to the success and future of the country-- and we all know it -- America needs help, and I'm going to help it, believe me. Obama, folks, the previous administration, and believe me, we’re going to do some great things, we’re going to be doing some really great things, and the fake media -- look -- media outlets like CNN and MSNBC, they're fake news, as I call them, I call them the fake media, and we’re just beginning to make America great again folks, it's, look— Law enforcement, is -- don’t we love our law enforcement? They're terrific, aren't they? Tremendous.

Today when you walk across this stage to receive your diploma, you will become dreamers. I love dreamers, I love 'em, I think they’re just tremendous and the failing New York Times, folks, they’re failing so badly, they -- and believe me they are part of the fake news, the media deserves a failing grade -- the fake news media, very dishonest people, the fake news people -- Obamacare, folks -- it’s costing taxpayers an arm and a leg, that's a phrase that just came to me the other day, "arm and a leg." That's a phrase I invented -- Obamacare is a total mess, and folks, you will -- believe me -- we will repeal Obamacare and we replace it with something tremendous, I’m telling you -- the Washington media is not honest, they are dishonest -- I call them the dishonest media, folks -- we are going to bring jobs back, millions of jobs, back to this country, and we are going to make America great again, thank you!