【Cute Devil】

South by Southwest is Cute Devilan emotionally confusing event. On one hand, there are many available tacos and cool things to see. On the other hand, you have to wait in line and people try to talk to you on the street.

It's a lot to think about.

And as a SXSW first-timer, I had a lot of questions about what was happening around me -- the lingo, the marketing stunts and, of course, when to make the daily transition from coffee to alcohol. Fortunately, I had time to think about all of this while I waited in line! Amazing.

Unfortunately, I did ask many of these questions out loud.

1. Why is everything here called an activation?

2. Am I supposed to feel ... activated?

3. What does that feel like? Please let me know so I know I am not getting sick.

4. Why are all the telephone poles wrapped in plastic? (This one's easy to answer, BTW: it's so all the marketing signs and stickers are easier to peel off after the festival.)

5. Where are all the dogs? Needs more dogs.

6. Which bathroom at SXSW is the best bathroom?

7. What is the acceptable number of tacos to eat in one day?

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8. How do you know when you have reached that number of tacos? Am of course asking for a friend and not because I lost track three days ago.

9. Are there reallypeople who stay here for ten days or is that a myth?

10. Do those people sleep?

11. What do those people put in their coffee?

12. What is the exact time people switch from guzzling coffee to guzzling alcohol?

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13. Speaking of alcohol, why are all the pedicabs playing Queen?

14. How many Queen songs do you have to download to become a pedicab driver?

15. Are lanyards cool now? If so, hell yeah!

16. Instead of two free drinks at this party, can I have two free tacos?

17. How about one free taco?

18. Where did all these naked people come from?

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19. Calling it "South by" gets old after a few days, doesn't it? What if we did a new abbreviation for SXSW and called it "Sex-W"? This isn't a question; it's just an idea. No rush on this!

20. Could I wear my lanyard as a headband?

21. People seem to like that American Gods buffalo. Should I acquire a big buffalo for my next birthday party and gain thousands of friends?

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22. Alternatively, what is the best way to lose all my friends: approaching strangers on the street or cutting in line for the Beyoncé photo booth?

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23. Why is everyone chatting with each other in line? Shouldn’t they be, like, playing Reckless Racing 3 on their phones and sighing? Have I been waiting in line wrong my entire life?

24. How did everyone at this conference remember an umbrella except me?

25. You can get tacos through airport security, right?

Right?