【Pretty Mother in law】

Is it a dick move to remind someone about an unfulfilled Venmo request?Pretty Mother in law

When I was still in college a year ago, I split a pitcher of margaritas and a few baskets of chips with some friends. When the bill came around, we agreed it would be easiest for one person to put down a card and for everyone else to Venmo them. I got stuck with paying. While I signed the receipt, the rest of the group pulled out their phones and sent me their share.

Almost everyone. One person never sent me the $18 I was owed.

I didn't notice until we were well out of the restaurant and on our way back to our dorm. It felt petty to remind them right away, so I waited to send the request until the next morning, adding a fun drink emoji in hopes that it wouldn't come off as passive aggressive.

They didn't respond that day. Or the next day, even though we had class together. Or that weekend, when we all went out to split another pitcher of margaritas, and someone else put down their card.

A week after I made the request, I meekly tapped the reminder button in hopes that they would just pay me back, but they never did. The unfulfilled request sat in the "Incomplete" tab for more than a yearbecause I felt too awkward to bring it up in person. It wasn't a lot of money, but to a college student, $18 was too much to just let it go.

According to Twitter users, this anxiety-ridden dilemma is pretty common.

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"Venmo certainly makes it easy for people to pay you back," etiquette expert and business coach Jacqueline Whitmore told me. "You don't have to deal with cash, and the transaction is instantaneous."

But what if they don't? Whitmore says the "polite way" to approach unpaid debt is to "give the person a deadline."

Using Whitmore's tactic, I should have caught my grifter friend during a break in class and asked, "Hey, do you mind paying me back for drinks by the end of the week?"

I wish I had the balls to do that, but uncomfortable confrontation makes me kind of nauseated. Instead, I let the request sit in my incomplete tab for days, which turned into weeks, which turned into months. I finally canceled it a week ago — more than a year since getting scammed out of $18 worth of margaritas and chips — and let it go, because I figured I'd never see the person again, anyway.

Is there a threshold for letting go of unpaid requests? Do you let $10 go? $20? Where do you draw the line? While some people think you should just forget about small amounts, like $5, Whitmore says no matter what the money, "if a debt is owed to you, it is necessary to follow up."

"If an extended period of time goes by and you still haven't gotten paid, ask if they need more time," she suggests. "Perhaps they are waiting to get paid from someone else."

It may be awkward, but you're in the right: "It's also rude" to make people wait for unpaid dues because "it might be causing them a financial burden."

"If the person refuses to pay, you might have to seek legal advice and terminate the friendship," she explains.

To me, that sounds pretty extreme. My friendship with this person simply ran its course. And although I never got my $18 back, I haven't been grifted since.