【Swipe (2017)】

As if they needed a setup beyond the "failing pile of garbage" that’s been the last few weeks of current events,Swipe (2017) Saturday Night Livetook on President-elect Donald Trump’s controversial press conference last week -- and unsubstantiated reports of his "big Russian pee-pee party" -- for its first cold open of the new year.

And just like that much-maligned newser, the sketch did not disappoint.

Alec Baldwin braved the inevitable oncoming Trump Twitter tirade to reprise his role as the president-in-waiting, touting Trump’s star-studded inauguration lineup, including "Jackie what’s-her-face" from America’s Got Talentand -- hold onto your tits and bits -- THREE. DOORS. DOWN.

Reporters asked serious questions about the Senate’s recent vote to repeal Obamacare (which, yes, is the same thing as the Affordable Care Act) and Russia’s role in tipping the election for the Republican.

And Trump trotted out his sons, "Beavis and Butthead" (Donald Jr., Mikey Day, and Eric, Alex Moffat), to give a thoroughly convincing explainer on how his businesses will be run to prevent conflicts of interest.

Important things!

But what everyone really wanted to know about is Russia’s role in those "golden shower parties" alleged in an unsubstantiated but utterly amusing private memo leaked by Buzzfeedearlier this week.

The perfect opportunity for a steady flow of presidential pee jokes.

"I do not want to talk about the pee-pee!" Baldwin said, instead promising a "thick stream of jobs" for Americans to look forward to.

"The biggest, strongest, steadiest stream you’ve ever seen. This country will be literally showered with jobs. Because I am a major whiz at jobs."

And if we were worried that retired brain surgeon Ben Carson might not make the best HUD secretary in American history, no worries, because here’s Steve Harvey!

"That’s right, I do government now," said Keenan Thompson, in his ever flawless Harvey impersonation.

Fortunately, Baldwin joked, we probably won’t actually have to deal with a Trump presidency for long:

"Listen, sweetheart. I’m about to be president. We’re all gonna die."