【Watch Captain Hooker and Peter Porn (1987)】

Ah,Watch Captain Hooker and Peter Porn (1987) Halloween is quickly approaching. Decorative gourds line breakfast tables, fake cobwebs are all over your apartment building, and one of your weird neighbors even took the liberty of hanging up bloodied Barbie dolls in their front lawn tree.

But even the strangest of Halloween decorations are not nearly as bad as those who fill their lawns with inflatables.

Please stop decorating your lawns with Halloween inflatables.

If there's one thing about the people who buy blow up decorations on Halloween, they can't have less than 17 of them. Halloween did not ask for an inflatable Minion on the middle of your lawn next to a cat next to a giant spider next to a snow globe with a skeleton in it. Also, how is that scary? You can do better.

In your defense, some blow up figures are sort of fine. Like the Nightmare before Christmasguy, for example, or maybe one pumpkin. In fact, I kind of like the cat one. How its head turns back and forth. That one's kind of nice. But those are the only exceptions.

Most Halloween inflatables look terrible, and take way too much artistic liberty of what a "Halloween" decoration entails. For example, there is no such thing as a "spooky" skeleton snow globe. Snow globes are winter decorations. Wait until Christmas to annoy us with your inflatable snowman. At least that will make sense.

Inflatables are also expensive. You have to believe in your heart that an "Inflatable Projection Phantasm Pumpkin Reaper Giant" is something you desire, to cherish and honor for years to come, in order to be willing to put a down payment on it, sometimes spending over $200. That's more than a Christmas tree! And you can't decorate a reaper giant with heartwarming ornaments you made as a 2nd grader!

Also, either people who buy these seasonal monstrosities tend to forget to inflate them or they get punctured very quickly. It is far too common to see plastic puddles lying on lawns, turning attempted decorations into the opposite of a decoration. Why would you buy something that had such a high probability of lowering your property value?

Look, it's simple. This Halloween, please do us all a favor. Please get rid of your inflatables.