【2003 Archives】

April Fools' day as an adult (or like003 Archives semi-adult) can be a real drag: you've seen it all. You've seen the thumbtack on the chair, and the stapler in the Jell-o.

You know who hasn't seen it all? Kids.Babies. Children. Innocent li'l kids who have no idea what fiendish delights are out there, waiting to at first embarrass them, but then make them laugh a little bit, hopefully.

When making sure the kids in your life have a healthy and responsible appreciation for pranks, it's kinda hard to know where to start. You want to establish that a prank is not, in fact, bullying. Or, like I thought in 4th grade, just pretending that you have a sprained wrist for the day. You may come off like an Embarrassing Old, but at least you're teaching them to prank at all.

The children are the future of pranks with high quality and payoff. Teach them well.

1. Dupe their Netflix profile

Ok, here goes: change their profile to somebody else's name/icon/whatever. Then, make a new profile and assign it their name and old icon.

Proceed to fill their list with garbage that they hate! Or, some of the worse things that Netflix has to offer -- might I suggest the Cult Movies subgenre which is, unfortunately, less cult classics and more random garbage that Netflix bought the rights to for approximately two dollars and a few silver coins they found in a basement.

You can also hide a message in the list -- movies about pranksters might be a nice little tip off.

2. Fake out food

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"Here, kid, I got you this delicious cookie/cake/treat! SIKE! IT TASTES LIKE [INSERT BAD THING]!"

Listen: this is a good prank. Substitute sugar for salt, vanilla for worcestershire sauce, frosting for mayonnaise if you're real nasty. You laugh, kid makes lots of silly gross faces, everybody wins.

3. Replace all their gadgets with the old school equivalent

Kid has a rose gold iPhone? Swap it for a hot pink Razr. While you're at it, toss them a discman for their music, a CD sleeve, replace their computer with one of those old gray boxes that we used to play The Sims 3on.

This is two birds one stone: you pranked them, and you also get to pull a "when I was your age," which is good for a kid every once in a while.

4. Baby-proof their room again

If there's one thing that kids hate, it's being told they're babies, or even just that they're younger than they are. Sending their room back to baby-dom is a devastating own on your child.

5. Leave out a note that they "weren't supposed to see"

A note slyly left on the floor or kitchen counter reminding yourself to sign your kid up for weightlifting, experimental trials, or 5 a.m. before-school classes is just subtle enough to send them reeling -- if only until you get to tell them they truly got pranked.

6. Spend a week telling them the Earth is going to stop rotating because of some intergalactic activity, wake them up at 3AM, tell them we're stuck on the dark side of the Earth for the day, make them eat breakfast and get ready for school, then break the news that it's all fake

My childhood summer camp did this to a few hundred kids once and the ones who weren't crying for 3 days really enjoyed it.

7. Remotely control their Spotify

Using a device that's logged into their Spotify account, take over DJ duties while they're listening on the go or in their room. They're going to think it's a glitch and grapple with literal and metaphoric control.

Jimmy Buffet, Billy Joel, all the greats get a turn when you engage your child in battle via internet radio.

8. Add shortcuts in their phone's keyboard to make them say "I love you" more

Using iPhone shortcuts, change something like "ok" to "i love you!!!"

Text them things like "picking you up at the same time as always" and instantly be greeted with a blossoming expression of love. This one you might want to keep past April Fools' day.

With that, go! Go prank your children and your friend's children and your nieces and nephews. Being a kid is hard. Tell them to lighten up a little, with your actions, not your words.

9. Offer them an icy drink with a fizzy surprise

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10. Ask them to grab you a head from the fridge

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11. Bake a very special breakfast

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